Monday, September 05, 2005

Emotional Musicology Pt. 1

I'm very emotional when it comes to my music.
by saying "my", i mean the albums i have downloaded over the Internet, heard over and over again and developed an unbreakable relation with.
i spend most of the time hearing music and a some audio books. it's just so natural for me, that sometimes hearing the right kind of music is like hearing myself talking. buying albums is hard, because most of money i earn in the designer job goes to school payment or medications. so i don't really get the chance to own an album, but it's not like I'm poor and innocent. I'd rather not have huge piles of Cd's.

i noticed that when i had a large collections of Cd's (which i spent most of my military service salary on - a good idea of how much do i love music), i was materially attached to the Cd's. i bought many Cd's, some of them were bad but the most were good. some i bought because of nice package.
now , in the enlightened soulseek era, i can hear as many albums as i like and expand my knowledge beyond the restrictive terms of living in a small country with a low currency value. i can allow myself to grow outwards and inwards. like a tree reaching it's branch to the sun and it's roots the the core of the earth. as i listen to more music i find more music that i really love, and i find that loved albums are making me evolve as well as being liberated. i can discover feelings, sensations and inspiration with new music.
inspiration is a must for a creative man. i draw much inspiration from all the things around me. but the biggest inspiration is music. i think about music in a graphic way. when a friend let's me hear some music sketch and wants more than just applause, but an honest opinion, i have no professional composing or sound language to explain what i want to say, so i explain it in terms of colors, clarity, color effects, sharpness and blurriness etc.
when i really love a tune, i can already see it's manifestation in graphic terms. colors and lights and motion. that's how my brain talks. Vasily Kandinsky, for example, was a painter who wanted to express music, by using the painting medium. he used abstract colors and shapes to express music. a noble cause for sure. once you understand what his motive was, you can really understand his creations buy "talking" with your inner self and sensation, that tells you what the painting really "sounds" like. but there's no guaranty to really hear what Kandinsky meant. after all we are different people. I'm not too keen on his art, but i understand.

music i like the most have an ecstatic effect for me. it's like an orgasm, but it's not. it doesn't contains the sexual-raw-natural yet devine essence, it's more like an amazing sensation of true and careless joy. if i would to believe in god, i would say that orgasm is a unification with the gods, and music ecstasy is the more earthly manner. but i do have the rush and that sensation that goes up my spine, like goosebumps i have when a known and loved song is starting. you just know things are going to get historical in a good way.

i remember meeting the guys from hybrid. i tried to say to them what i really felt. putting to words the true sensation i have felt and the true shocks of the foundations of my emotional (and musical) world, was like trying to paint a masterpiece with a sharp knife. the words came from my mouth, passed through the gate of excitement and paying their tribute to the taxes of my English stuttering, then passed through a heavy cloak of smoke and the loud club noises and finally to a cocaine and alcohol infested ear (theirs. yea).
i felt happy for meeting them, and i think they got the general point, but the true and pure message (or at least as i felt) wasn't passed.

to be continued in a few days.


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