Friday, September 16, 2005

wunderbar Wochenende

(My German may lack the correct spelling, but anyway and sadly i have no German language knowledge).

it's Friday, yea Friday, and I'm dealing with stuff like questions and Friday night (and overall) loneliness, i normally dealt with in Friday (and overall). but lately i just too busy studying and my mind was full in other shit.
well, the word is that there is a massive rave in Tel Aviv, at the industrial district in the "Hamasger" street. people are probably dancing their life out, enjoying like i did about a year ago. it should be a massive rave with a suitable background of warehouses and garages. a rave like a rave should be.

well, I'm not there. as i was dressing i suddenly felt afraid and tired. afraid i will feel lonely in that party and wouldn't have fun. just suffering.

i think i talked about this here in this blog but I'm sure I'll be forgiven for repeating myself. senility is always nearby.
and it goes something like this (quoting from an email to a friend:)

"well in the beginning it was amazing. pure, and innocent joy of partying, and i gladly came alone with no problem. i would succumb myself to the music, uniting totally with the beats and vibe. but later i got drunk in one night, so drunk that in a complete blackout and somehow managed to return home with the help of a good soul that took form of a taxi driver. i think it was the worst night in my short life. in the following months i got sadder and fatter and more stressed, and the school took most of the time so it was a good excuse to stop partying.
and i found that when i got to parties, i would dance but the joy has faded. something like 85 percent lost. there's a constant feeling hovering in the air when i go to parties, a feeling of loneliness and sadness. it's just became complicated. i would go and dance for an hour, say hello to the many people i know from the scene i was going to, then go into my car, turn the air conditioner to a freezing temperature. so freezing that the windows of the car became blunt with "steams", and it seemed like my own freezing private little hideaway, and i would spend the rest of the time and the way back to the hom, making dialogues with myself, just to hear the voice of another loving human being.
i don't think i lost my party fun forever. I'm a party man forever. i just need to find my happy thought and some faerie dust. "

naturally, i guess i started fearing parties and hating myself for getting sad when i should kick ass and enjoy myself. it wasn't a result of that awful night, but an ever growing awareness the the troubles of my life, to the complexity of it all.
this Friday was about to be spent at home near the computer, and i just felt disgusted by that option, which re-occurs so many times.

so around one o'clock or an hour later, i dunno, i just took my stencil (which lost it's virginity in a stenciling tour with dear Lilly) and some red spray and went outside. playing songs on the mp3 player on "shuffle" mode, i just went along my tiny city. normally everyone here has boring life, and most of the people go to sleep after their routine junk-TV-watching- pistachio-cracking- habits. only the teenagers live and prosper under the bright moon, they are too away from any decent place which has an entertaining area for their age, so they gather up and do almost nothing but killing their lungs, smoking shisha (hookah) in the parks or on the kiosk tables, killing time, and talking about all that's high and noble in the world, like - beautiful women or music.

i pull the stencil and spray once, and i like it so much. i spray elsewhere, and one more, and another and then many more. by then i tagged a large portion of the city with the bunny sign from my dreams. i like to spray it on electricity boards and walls, and even dared tagging some old commercial center's walls. its art.
i think I'm making that dried-up-smoked-sallami-town a little more interesting. i even tagged a big ad (not so stable, but still fun). that's so fun. it's liberating, because i made this stencil some months ago and it was just standing there like a virgin penis and waiting me for some action.

meanwhile in my mind i notice i enjoy and i forget all the shit that i felt. i walk around the town tagging walls at the main streets and in the dark side streets, and then quickly putting the stencil in the bag, being careful not to allow the bag to stick to the stencil (which happens of course).

the local polizia is passing by but they don't notice me, or notice and not tagging me suspicious. i look younger and much more naive and childish than i am. i know that it's a matter of luck and that if they'll stop and ask me some questions, they will notice the red paint on my fingers, and the foul smell of the spray. but that's a part of the process, which I'm returning to.

i return home and i feel good. i play Ian Dury & The Blockheads - Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick and laugh. this song is so stupid but that's why i like it. then i play nick cave and the bad seeds - songs for a November night.

by now - this weekend kicks ass.
stencil photo will be published tomorrow.

4 Comments:

Blogger Danielle said...

:-O you live in Bolivia? That ROCKS! I've never gotten off this island. The farthest I've ever gotten was Tybee Island, off the coast of Georgia.. and that's not really an island... there are marshes inbetween :-|...Hey, Aubrey said Bolivia has two capitals?
Hm....

8:40 PM  
Blogger dark-forest said...

i live in bolivia? lol
and i was thinking it was israel all along.
well, don't blame yourself for mistaking. it's just a mere half way over the globe, and really i bet some israelis look like some bolivians. im sure.

hey - welcome to my blog :)

9:36 PM  
Anonymous lilly said...

What to do on a Friday night?! I think this is the main philosophical question of our generation, a mass of single people scared of staying alone at home.

Mine was pretty pathetic. I was trying to rest most afternoon so I'll have the energy to meet a friend in the evening, then he called to tell me he's not going to make it (which is the existentialist crisis of our generation - totally invalidate my existence and erase me from being a worthy of living member in the human race), he was too tired and I was too tired to start making phone calls.

I dragged myself out of bed with every intention in the world to go see a movie only to get back to bed deciding I was too tired to handle the walk.

I was asleep before midnight which is the philosophical definition of "looser"... Saturday was pretty cool though, so I guess I did find social enlightment at the end of that dark night of single life soul...

12:22 PM  
Blogger dark-forest said...

yea i can understand what you are writing about. i sometimes find myself sleeping for a party that i wouldn't go to.

that's cool you did end up with someone.
and if you feel lonely and too tired, call me and i'll sing you lullabies...

1:37 PM  

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